Your Baby is Fine.

A fellow mom in a Facebook group I'm a part of recently posted about new regulations by the American Association of Pediatric that state that a child is less likely to have SIDS if they stay in the parents' room for the first 6 months of life. The new mom sounded a bit freaked out as she had recently transitioned her child from a bassinet in her bedroom to the crib in the child's bedroom. She wanted to know what other moms thought about this new finding. I hesitated before responding because sometimes I think my view of raising children isn't for everyone. My view can be scary. I talk about life and death as casual things. Why? Because they're a part of my daily life. As a mom of a child with a terminal diagnosis, life and death consume my thoughts. So when I see posts like this, my mind races with things I want to say:

1. We have a nurse in our home anywhere from 15-20 hours a day to help care for my son while my husband and I work outside the home. I had seen this study published by the AAP earlier that day so I mentioned it to my nurse. Her response? She laughed. "Good Lord!" she said. "There's always a new rule!"

I had to agree with her. The powers-that-be are constantly changing the rules. I understand that this is all in an effort to be safer, but this has to be taken with a grain of salt. This same study told me I'm not supposed to let my infant snooze on the couch. So what I am to do doing during the day for the first 6 months of life? Get nothing done because I can't, according to the study, put my child in their own crib either? Instead, every time my child takes a nap, I have to lay down too? Part of me is conjuring up some fantasy where that could actually happen but then reality (and my older toddler) laughs in my face! We should never sacrifice the safety of our children but at what point are we sacrificing too much ourselves to abide by all these rules?

2. What is SIDS anyway? By definition, no one knows! It is an unexplained phenomenon. I am no scientist but I'm guessing that SIDS often results when babies are predisposed to a genetic mutation, one not found through an autopsy.  How many of those SIDS babies had genetic testing like Whole Exome Sequencing? Again, I'm guessing not many. One, because it wasn't brought up or two, because of the cost. While I whole-heartedly believe that parents can and should take precautions to prevent SIDS, for smart parents, even those guidelines don't always work. If your child is going to die, your child is going to die and sometimes there's nothing you can do about it. Sounds harsh but, as I said earlier, that's my reality.

3. You can't live your life in fear so stop trying to conjure up scary situations. Your baby is fine.